Saturday, February 1, 2014

TROFEO 2.0 - When Toys Had a New Year Party [Category: Junior Entry No.: 2]

Yipeeee!! New Year has come at last bringing joy and happiness along. It is chill outside and I feel the thrill inside me because it is new year today. I thought why not watch a movie on this cold wintery night. So we all sat in a bed and packed ourselves nicely in quilts and blankets. I was feeling as warm as a walrus. We started watching the movie of Toy Story. It was movie in which toys get alive when no one was watching them. We watched the movie till late in the night. Then my parents went to sleep and my brother and I came to our room. While we were sitting there silently still thinking about the story of Toy Story, we wished that our toys also come alive some day. Lo and Behold!!! our toys were standing there, all alive, looking at us. We both were very happy to see them. Then a toy said, since it is new year today, why don't we have a party here. We all happily agreed. Some of the toys prepared drinks, some baked chocolate-chip cookies, and some got packets of chips. We ate and ate till nothing was left to eat. This made me very sleepy. The next day when I woke up, the toys had gone back to being toys. But we both had a big smile on our faces as we both knew the secret of the previous night. This was perhaps the best New Year ever and I am sure our toys will play and party with us next year too.


Renee : What fun to think that toys might come alive and party every New Year’s Evening!  Your use of a simile to describe your warmth like a walrus was very effective.  Your story tells much about what happened but little about how your characters felt about their fun New Year’s.  Feelings make a story come alive for the reader.  This short story has the potential for a very funny longer story when you describe all the mischief that the toys create.

Neha : Good story, good premise and a good ending. A major flaw is the change of tense from present to past.
No grammatical errors and creative skill is evident.
A good attempt

Sandhya : I was a bit intrigued by the expression “warm as a walrus”. I have never come across it before, so I did a Google search on it. I found this very informative article that explained how, indeed, walruses do stay warm in freezing waters. An interesting usage!
Very well narrated. Would have loved to read some dialogue, though. Maybe some talk between you and the toys?

Keep reading and writing.

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