Wednesday, February 12, 2014

TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category: Middle Entry No.: 10]

Once there was a Christmas party organized by Riya Yadav. The theme of the party was red colour. The party started. Some of them wore casual red dress and some tried to wear dress of Santa Claus. All of them had a Santa cap. Riya wore a long and bright gown. It was looking very pretty on her. The party had lots of games and good and healthy food. All of them sang Christmas carols like ‘Rudolph the red nose reindeer’. They had a lot of fun.

At 12 p.m. Riya cut the Christmas cake. After some time, Santa came. Everyone was surprised to see Santa Clause at home. He clicked photos with everyone. They enjoyed very much with Santa. He gave lots of gifts and offered sweets. But Riya was surprised. She didn’t know who this Santa was, as he had hidden his face with a Santa mask. When the party was over and everyone went back to their homes, Riya tugged at the Santa’s sleeve and asked who he was. The Santa removed his mask and oh my God!, he was actually her father, Dr. Yadav. She hugged him very tightly. She thanked her father for being a Santa for the night and for making her party even better. This was the best Christmas party the Yadavs have ever had!


Renee : This was a fun idea to have a “red” party for Christmas.  I see lots of potential for even more than the red clothing – red cake, red peppers, red decorations, etc.  When you add more details that use the color red, you will have a very coordinated story.  Also, consider adding a touch of mystery by having the guests wonder who is playing Santa.  Maybe Riya’s father disguised his voice and padded his belly so nobody would guess who it was.  This is a great story of a fun party with much potential for expansion to a longer tale about a Christmas party.

Sandhya : Clearly the narration of a real, and a happy experience, very charming.Well narrated. Maybe you could flesh out the story a bit, add dialogues – they will add more interest to the story. Do keep reading and writing.

Neha : A simple descriptive story, neatly written without any errors. You could add more dialogues and imagination to it.

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