Thursday, February 6, 2014

TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category: Middle Entry No.: 4]

It's almost that time of year,
When everybody’s heart fills with holiday cheer.

There is one person who lives in the North Pole,
Getting ready to bring joy to every child’s soul.

His name is Santa Claus and his sack is full of toys,
To be distributed to all the little girls and boys.

Christmas Eve has finally come,
It’s the time when no child feels glum.

Santa’s all ready to come to the U.S.A.,
With his reindeer, presents, and his sleigh.

He’s checking his list to see who’s been naughty and nice,
I hope he doesn’t bring me a sack of rice!

I was waiting anxiously for Santa to stop by,
And leave presents under the tree before saying good-bye.

When Santa came home, he brought lots of gifts for me,
The sight of all those presents filled me up with glee!

December 25th is slowly passing by,
So let’s celebrate with some delicious apple pie.

I can’t wait for Christmas to come next year,
When Santa will come flying on all his reindeer.

Renee : This is a fun little poem that shows one child’s feelings about when Santa visits her home.  You include all the elements of the season and leave readers looking forward to next year’s celebration.  Your rhyme is well done, but your rhythm is a bit off.  Each line should have the same number of syllables and pattern of stressed vs. unstressed syllables.  When you work out the rhythm of this Christmas poem, you should have the effect that this could become a Christmas song.

Sandhya : Lovely! Delightful to read a story written in verse. I was amused by the child waiting anxiously for Santa, hoping he doesn’t bring just a sack of rice – clearly worried about the year’s ‘naughty or nice’ quotient!
Very well narrated. Read poetry by R.L. Stevenson, Kit Wright, Julia Donaldson and Kenn Nesbitt (these write great children’s poetry) – it will hone your sense of verse. Keep reading and writing.

Neha : It is a simple sweet poem. The effort at rhyming is remarkable. There are no errors
Imagination could be better and it is more descriptive in nature.

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