Daisy was reading her favourite book “The Toy Story” when she heard some noises. It was from her brother Paul and her Toy Room.
There were sound of engines, cars honking and music playing . She tiptoed and opened the door a wee bit. There, in Toy room was the most amazing scene she had ever seen! Thomas the Engine was speeding away on the tracks and the whistling. The Hot Wheels cars were all over the room like it was a highway! There was Paul’s guitar, drums and keyboard playing by themselves.
There was Daisy’s favourite Barbie all decked up in her Party dress in Paul’s “Lightning Mc Queen”!
Then suddenly, there was silence. Thomas, the engine went back to the station, the cars parked themselves in the garage.
Barbie stepped out of the car and then followed Woody, Minnie, Batman, Spiderman and Cinderella.
The music started playing again and all of them started dancing. It was a splendid sight indeed. They seemed to be celebrating something! There were cakes, cookies, chocolates, ice-cream and soda!
Renee : I like how you transitioned your main character from reading her favorite book to living with the characters in the book during her dream. You used lots of detail as you describe each of the toys, showing what they did and ate. To bring this story together, introduce it with an assignment from school that would tie into your last sentence. Maybe Daisy had to write a story about what the toys did when nobody could see them. Maybe she had to simply write a book review about her favorite book. Whatever you write should tie your introduction and ending together somehow.
Sandhya : A story with a nice twist. Well written, for I did not realize until the end that it was a dream. This is an excellent format for fantasy, as anything goes, and free associations can be made.
Very well narrated. Do practice your writing regularly, and read a lot – that will hone your writing skills.
Neha : A simple descriptive write up. It has a promising beginning with some sparks of imagination and could have been developed more. Short, simple and sweet.