Once upon a time on a foggy New Year eve Mrs. Amanda’s little playhouse witnessed a very beautiful and unique thing. It was 9 pm and almost two hours had passed since the playhouse had been cleaned and locked for the night.
Suddenly the toy cop blew his whistle and all the toys became alive at once as if they had just woken up after a long day sleep. This would happen every night. The toys used to discuss what the children did in the morning. Today also they were discussing the same thing when the cuckoo bird suddenly reminded everyone that it was a New Year eve and they could really have a party on this special occasion. The year 2014 would start just in a few hours.
All the toys agreed happily but they didn’t have any party food there. The toy cook had an idea. He went and opened the kitchen set and soon was busy baking a chocolate cake. The toys became very happy. All the clocks secretly decided that they would sing a really melodious tune the moment the clock struck twelve. When the cake was ready, all the toys admired it but to their dismay the big fat teddy bear by mistake stamped hard on the cake. The cake fell down with a crash and all the cream spread on the floor. The teddy also became very dirty with cream all over him from head to toe. All the toys were scared that what would Mrs. Amanda say when she saw that the bear was all dirty. So they had a brilliant idea. The bear went to the washroom and bathed himself and then he sat in front of the dryer. Meanwhile, the other toys were busy mopping the floor.
Now Mrs. Amanda had two small daughters Lily and Lucy. Both of them heard the crash when the cake had fallen. Both of them felt very scared and tucked tightly into the warm blanket.
There the toys decided to have a different type of party without any food. The toy clown presented an interesting and amusing show. The toy magician also did a no. of wonderful tricks and magics like taking out a live rat from the toy cook’s hat. The teddy bear started singing a song and all the dolls started dancing on the song.
Now Lily and Lucy heard the songs and were very surprised. They decided to look into the playhouse through the little keyhole. They could not believe their eyes on what they saw. The toys having a party!!!! They thought that it must be a silly dream but how could two people have a same dream. They both entered the room without making a single noise and quietly hid behind the curtain.
Suddenly there was a loud shriek by one of the dolls that her beautiful pink and white party shoes had been nibbled. The toy policeman sat up. He saw the nibbled portion and knew at once that the shoes had been nibbled by a mouse. Now there was only one mouse there whose name was Nibbly. All the toys shouted his name but no Nibbly appeared. So they decided to go and look for him and after a long time Jimmy the dog found Nibbly under the dining table. The doll scolded Nibbly and his punishment was that he had to buy another pair of beautiful party shoes by taking money from the FBRT (Federal Reserve Bank of Toyland). Nibbly apologized and everything was normal again and at the stroke of midnight they all were taken aback by the sudden melodious tune of the clocks. They all wished each other a very Happy New Year and happily went off to sleep.
Renee : The toys in this story had a very active, interesting New Year’s Eve! They were so busy that the reader begins to feel that he or she is in the middle of the story with Lily and Lucy. I like how you added so many sensory images of the teddy bear covered in cake, the cuckoo announcing the start and end of the celebration, and the description of the doll’s shoes. At first I wondered why a rat had been pulled out of a hat, then I saw that it was actually part of your story when Nibble enters the scene. However, you called him a rat first and then a mouse. Those are two different creatures, so be consistent and call him a mouse when he is pulled from the hat. Overall, this a fascinating story about toys on New Year’s Eve.
Sandhya : Yes, do tell Lily and Lucy that I liked this story very much! I liked the specifics like the toy cop blowing his whistle, the toy cook cooking with the kitchen set, and the girls wrapping themselves up even more tightly in their beds on hearing the noise.
Do work a little bit more on this story, with breaks paragraph breaks, dialogues – there is a lot of potential for that. This will add more interest to the narrative. A suggestion – try to find books written by Rumer Godden, with toy characters. You’ll get many ideas.
Well written. Keep reading and writing.
Neha : Excellent story: characterization, dialogue and premise, all have been given due importance. The beginning and the end is well written. There is a lot of imagination and creativity in the tale.
There is a well planned storyline and structured plot. The interest of the reader is maintained throughout.
No notable errors in either grammar or spelling.