Sunday, February 2, 2014

TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category : Junior Entry No. 3]

I, Jane and my parents were having hot Choco on X-Mas eve. I had decorated the X-Mas tree. I had kept tree stockings near the X-Mas tree.
One stocking was for my mother, second stocking for my father and third stocking for me. I kept some cookies and milk also. After we finished drinking hot Choco I went to my room and started reading a book. After some time I heard a constant tapping on the door. When I opened it I saw SANTA CLAUS standing right in front of me sudden went through me. Santa looked very different. He wore a red color shirt and red color jeans. He had worn a X-Mas hat over his head. He was looking very grumpy. He had also got his reindeer sleigh which had four reindeers instead of eight. My parents invited him inside. He sat on sofa with a thud. I then offered him cookies and milk. Heate all the cookies in one gulp. Then my mother went to cook dinner and my father went to work on the laptop. Now it was just me and Santa. I asked him the reason for being so grumpy. He said that he cannot distribute gifts this time. I got very shocked. I asked him the reason for his decision.
He said that his elves were ill and could not work. I felt very bad about that. I offered to help.
He took out all his gifts and we started packing them up. Till morning all of Santa’s gifts were packed and delivered. He then thanked me and went home. This was the best X-Mas ever.


Renee : This story conveys the true meaning of Christmas with a young person helping someone else.  In this story, Santa receives the gift of help because his elves are sick.  Stories that show people being kind to others in need are always wonderful to read.  You describe Santa’s clothing and grumpiness very well. There are a few grammatical errors that need correcting, but the basic concept of this story is outstanding.

Neha : A very good attempt. I liked the modernization of Santa and also that his elves were sick. Even the fact that he was grumpy is a stroke of creative thinking.
The writer has good imagination and creative skill. It is a simple but well written story in terms of language.
No errors. The best entry in junior section

Sandhya : Loved the idea of a beleaguered, grumpy Santa who comes looking for a helper! I also found this sentence very amusing: ‘Then my mother went to cook dinner and my father went to work on the laptop.’ Children clearly notice more than we give them credit for – parents who go back to whatever they are usually busy doing!
What happened to Jane, though? She was there when Santa came. I was looking for her at the end. Also, the talk between Santa and the child could have been put in the form of a dialogue. This creates more interest in the narrative.

Well narrated. Keep reading and writing regularly.

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