TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category : Junior Entry No. 3]

I, Jane and my parents were having hot Choco on X-Mas eve. I had decorated the X-Mas tree. I had kept tree stockings near the X-Mas tree.

One stocking was for my mother, second stocking for my father and third stocking for me. I kept some cookies and milk also. After we finished drinking hot Choco I went to my room and started reading a book. After some time I heard a constant tapping on the door. When I opened it I saw SANTA CLAUS standing right in front of me sudden went through me. Santa looked very different. He wore a red color shirt and red color jeans. He had worn a X-Mas hat over his head. He was looking very grumpy. He had also got his reindeer sleigh which had four reindeers instead of eight. My parents invited him inside. He sat on sofa with a thud. I then offered him cookies and milk. Heate all the cookies in one gulp. Then my mother went to cook dinner and my father went to work on the laptop. Now it was just me and Santa. I asked him the reason for being so grumpy. He said that he cannot distribute gifts this time. I got very shocked. I asked him the reason for his decision.

He said that his elves were ill and could not work. I felt very bad about that. I offered to help.

He took out all his gifts and we started packing them up. Till morning all of Santa’s gifts were packed and delivered. He then thanked me and went home. This was the best X-Mas ever.

JUDGE’S VIEWS:

Renee : This story conveys the true meaning of Christmas with a young person helping someone else.  In this story, Santa receives the gift of help because his elves are sick.  Stories that show people being kind to others in need are always wonderful to read.  You describe Santa’s clothing and grumpiness very well. There are a few grammatical errors that need correcting, but the basic concept of this story is outstanding.

Neha : A very good attempt. I liked the modernization of Santa and also that his elves were sick. Even the fact that he was grumpy is a stroke of creative thinking.

The writer has good imagination and creative skill. It is a simple but well written story in terms of language.

No errors. The best entry in junior section

Sandhya : Loved the idea of a beleaguered, grumpy Santa who comes looking for a helper! I also found this sentence very amusing: ‘Then my mother went to cook dinner and my father went to work on the laptop.’ Children clearly notice more than we give them credit for – parents who go back to whatever they are usually busy doing!

What happened to Jane, though? She was there when Santa came. I was looking for her at the end. Also, the talk between Santa and the child could have been put in the form of a dialogue. This creates more interest in the narrative.

Well narrated. Keep reading and writing regularly.

TROFEO 2.0 - When Toys Had a New Year Party [Category: Junior Entry No.: 2]

Yipeeee!! New Year has come at last bringing joy and happiness along. It is chill outside and I feel the thrill inside me because it is new year today. I thought why not watch a movie on this cold wintery night. So we all sat in a bed and packed ourselves nicely in quilts and blankets. I was feeling as warm as a walrus. We started watching the movie of Toy Story. It was movie in which toys get alive when no one was watching them. We watched the movie till late in the night. Then my parents went to sleep and my brother and I came to our room. While we were sitting there silently still thinking about the story of Toy Story, we wished that our toys also come alive some day. Lo and Behold!!! our toys were standing there, all alive, looking at us. We both were very happy to see them. Then a toy said, since it is new year today, why don't we have a party here. We all happily agreed. Some of the toys prepared drinks, some baked chocolate-chip cookies, and some got packets of chips. We ate and ate till nothing was left to eat. This made me very sleepy. The next day when I woke up, the toys had gone back to being toys. But we both had a big smile on our faces as we both knew the secret of the previous night. This was perhaps the best New Year ever and I am sure our toys will play and party with us next year too.

JUDGE’S VIEWS:

Renee : What fun to think that toys might come alive and party every New Year’s Evening!  Your use of a simile to describe your warmth like a walrus was very effective.  Your story tells much about what happened but little about how your characters felt about their fun New Year’s.  Feelings make a story come alive for the reader.  This short story has the potential for a very funny longer story when you describe all the mischief that the toys create.

Neha : Good story, good premise and a good ending. A major flaw is the change of tense from present to past.

No grammatical errors and creative skill is evident.

A good attempt

Sandhya : I was a bit intrigued by the expression “warm as a walrus”. I have never come across it before, so I did a Google search on it. I found this very informative article that explained how, indeed, walruses do stay warm in freezing waters. An interesting usage!

Very well narrated. Would have loved to read some dialogue, though. Maybe some talk between you and the toys?

Keep reading and writing.

TROFEO 2.0 - When Santa Came Home [Category: Junior, Entry No.: 1]

WHEN SANTA CAME HOME

It was the night before Christmas when Santa came home. It struck 12O’clock at night. I heard some noise .I woke up and went near the study table. I saw a gift and I saw Santa at the window. While he was going he promised me he would come today at our party. In excitement woke up early and started decorating the hall where party will be held. I was done with one wall mom woke up. She also helped me in decorating the hall. Then I helped mom in baking the cake and many other recipes for party. I was expecting that Santa would come at starting but he came in between the party. When the light had gone and had come again we found Santa at the dancing floor. All shouted and hooted when they saw the Santa at dance floor. We all cut the cake which I and mom had made. Then mom served the beverages to everyone and I helped. Every one enjoyed the party and danced a lot with Santa. When it struck 12O’clock Santa disappeared but when I went to my father’s room I came to know actually my father was dressed as Santa. We had a happy ending.

JUDGE’S VIEWS:

Renee : This story is a fun reversal of the Santa coming at midnight story.  Instead, you show what Santa does before midnight.  It has a good opening and conclusion that pulls the story together nicely.  However, I would like to see more sensory imagery to describe the sights, sounds, textures, flavors, and aromas of your Christmas setting.  You have a few grammatical errors, as well, but overall, this is an interesting story.

Sandhya : Lovely, the way Santa appears in the midst of the party when lights are off!

Very well narrated. You need to break the narrative into smaller paragraphs, though. Maybe add a line or two of dialogue? That would have really perked up the story more.

Keep writing regularly, and read a lot too!

Neha : A fairly written write up. It is a good try at plot construction and story line. Well written and good use of language. There is even a revelation at the end but it is very predictable

No notable errors except the omission of I in sentence seven. Also ‘would’ should have been used instead of will in the same sentence.

It is a fair attempt.