Tuesday, February 4, 2014

TROFEO 2.0 When Toys Had A New Year Party [Category : Middle Entry No. : 2]

Fred and his family had gone for a holiday to New York. Fred’s toys were in is room. The special thing about these was that they got alive when no human was watching them. It was Christmas. All toys were scattered in the room. Some toys were watching TV, playing video games. Suddenly Doon, a cowboy toy who had the habit of getting agitated often, said, "ENOUGH!!! This day is such a special day but we are just playing disgusting games. As we are toys we cannot even conduct parties like humans do. Humans are given freedom to do anything like conducting parties, breaking we poor toys and doing other stuff which we cannot do." Doon wanted to show his political knowledge to everyone. He said "WE WANT JUSTICE!!! We must write a justice letter to the president of United States of America who can't hear our toy's voice. All the toys started chanting" WE WANT JUSTICE! WE WANT JUSTICE! WE WANT JUSTICE!" Annie who was Doon's sister said " Let us conduct a New Year Party at our own skill! It will be fun.

Mr. iOS Apple genius who was an ex- computer engineer and was now the king of the toy kingdom said" I agree with Annie's idea and it is much better than Doon's idea. Teddy said" Can I mastermind the party?" All the toys agreed.

After a few days Teddy started the preparations . He asked a few magicians toys to make food for the party. All the toys decorated the room. At 11:00pm their party started. All the toys sang and danced. Doon smiled and exclaimed" I did not expect for so much freedom!" All the toys were enjoying and forgetting about their worries for once. When it was time for food all the toys loved it. Some toys liked the food a lot that they jumped into their bowls. The ice cream tasted as if you were in heaven. Then there were some competitions. Then some toys showed their old written creative stories which Mr.iOS Apple Genius had posted to the Zealot Readers website. The environment was for once filled with joy and happiness. Then at 12:00 am all felt tired and went for a sleep. Then the next morning when the woke up they cleaned the room and all appreciated the leadership of Teddy who brought wonders to the party.
I wish I was in the party too!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Renee : What a fun image of toys having a party.  I was very glad to see that they cleaned up their mess before the people in the house woke up!  Your addition of a political reference was new and refreshing for a young audience.  I think they should have gone ahead with their letter.  Then when the Presidential permission came back to be free, the toys would have much reason to celebrate.  Overall, this is a great story with many different levels of interest.

Sandhya : Lovely! Loved the ‘Mr iOS Apple genius’ who is ‘now the king of the toy kingdom’! And ice cream indeed tastes as if you were in heaven – I agree completely with you. If I were a toy, I would have loved to come for this party. The stories written by the toys on Zealot Readers is a nice touch.
Well written. Maybe you should do a little more of editing to have a better flow to the narrative. Keep reading and writing.

Neha : Reads like a toy version of Animal Farm. The story has a good conclusion. The plot is not too well developed as in why did they want justice, for what? I liked the characterization specially the Mr.iOS Apple Genius.
The premise of a party is not well developed; from a mini revolution to a party is somewhat unbelievable downturn.
Its free of errors except usage of ‘the ’instead of they: possibly a typo.
A fair attempt

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