Tuesday, February 11, 2014

TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category: Middle Entry No.: 8]

When December starts we only think about the Christmas everywhere at school, home and while playing also. We are all just wait for Santa clause at every Christmas. He gives us gifts which we like the most. On the twenty - forth night of December we didn't even sleep in the wait of Santa.                                                                                                                                      My friends also came at my house. We all were astonished at the moment when suddenly santa entered my house riding the rein-deer ride with numerous number of gifts. A smile went on all the faces. He remained at our house for two to three hours. He gave us gifts beyond our expectations. He cut our cake with all of us and we all sung carols nicely with Santa. We danced on many songs with Santa that day He gave a very beautiful bat and a basketball.
He played many games with us. Then he told us all that he has to deliver gifts to other children also.                                                                                                                   
But before going he gave us a wonderful ride of rein-deer's and then he went riding in the sky on his rein-deer's. We enjoyed very much on that day. I remember that day very nicely


Renee : It was fun to see Santa enjoying himself at someone’s house.  So often, we think of Santa as a jolly old soul with much work to do.  Perhaps you can make this the last stop on Santa’s Christmas Eve tour so he can enjoy himself without worrying about the other children he must visit.  And maybe he does this every year at a different house.  The conclusion of your story might be to wait and see if next year is your turn!  Overall, this is a fresh new look at the person who is Santa Claus. 

Sandhya : A charming story. Loved the bit about Santa giving a bat and basketball, and the ride in the sleigh – these specifics bring out the hidden wishes of the child, or a real experience.
Do practice writing, and read a lot. That will hone your observation and writing skills.

Neha : An average small write up, started promisingly but ended predictably.
Lots of adjectives and adverbs used to make the language pretty.
A bit of tenses mix up also. It should have been ‘that he had to deliver gifts to other children also’. Use of ‘but’ at the beginning of a sentence when not needed. Keep writing more. 

No comments:

Post a Comment