Monday, February 3, 2014

TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category : Middle Entry No. : 1]

He came in the dead of the night
When the blue of the sky was deep
He sailed so silently over our world
When every person was asleep

He floated through the starry sky
Past the gleaming moon
He must hurry, for he was running late
The sun would be rising soon

Ours was the last town he visited
And mine was the very last house
So he began climbing down the chimney,
Quickly, but as quietly as a mouse

After visiting so many children
And eating their cookies and cakes,
Santa was rather full, and hadn't realized
How much effort chimney climbing takes

He sucked in his belly as much as he could
And began to wriggle down
But he was stuck, well and truly jammed
Yes, that is what Santa found

But here is what Santa did not know –
Our house was enchanted
Our house was home to a number of elves
A number that cannot be counted

They found poor Santa in a soup
They told him he needn't worry
They set about their elfish work
And soon they ceased to scurry

They had dug the sides of the chimney
Till Santa Claus could go through
But where they went after that
Santa wished he knew

He climbed down; it was easy now
He soon reached the ground
He tip-toed towards my stocking
Without making a sound

He stuffed in the presents
Oh, and what presents they were
Then, he was finally done with his job
He exited through the front door

Those elves loved snow more than any else
But they could find none here
And our guests were just temporary,
For they stayed out of fear

Of the wicked, oh, so wicked
Who would search for and feast on
Just such elves as these

Santa, of course, was grateful to them
He owed them a major debt
He knew that quick workers like these
Were difficult to get

So he sought out the elves and said to them,
"Come with me to the North Pole
You'll find plenty of snow there
For it is freezing, and that is mighty cold"

You will be safe and sound from the
For, if he comes to look for you,
I can tell you for sure that he will freeze

I would like you to do me
Another tremendous favour
And in exchange for I will give you
Snow cream of any flavour

Could you help me with the presents –
Could you make them and then wrap them?
For I know that elfish craft
Is certainly a gem

The elves were delighted – this deal was great!
They all jumped into the sleigh
Santa was pleased, and he smiled and said,
"Up, up, and away!"

That is how Santa got his trusty elves
They make each and every toy
For Santa to give as gifts for Christmas
To every little girl and boy

I wonder what became of the
Did he go looking for the elves?
Tell me, did he freeze?


Renee : This was a wonderful story that explains how the elves came to live with Santa at the North Pole.  The use of poetry is very effective and you maintained the rhythm and rhyme throughout, which is not always easy to do.  I liked how you called the evil elf by a fun name – it adds to the appeal of this Christmas poem.  On one line, you said they ceased to scurry – perhaps you meant that they started to scurry?  This would have made more sense.  Other than that, this is a fun way to explain how the elves came to live with Santa and why they are so grateful that they constantly work to help him with his presents. 

Neha : It’s a good poem, well organized.The coining of a new wordFroozotapplegadeese’ is commendable and so is the creativity behind the whole scenario. The story in the poem is well thought out. The personal twist about the elves legend is a stroke of genius. Shows that the writer has skill, imagination and creativity. The skill though should have been used to make the poem crisper.
I liked the ending with a question. Leaves the reader thinking
For a middle level student, the arrangement of words and correct grammar is achieved commendably

Sandhya : Delightful! Loved the story within the story about how the elves came to be at the ‘freezing’ North Pole! And the rotund Santa trying to get in through the chimney after a bellyful of cookies and cake and getting stuck a-la Winnie the Pooh – that’s certainly a cautionary tale. Also the ‘Froozotapplegadeese’ is a nice touch, very imaginative. Maybe this could be made into a longer story sometime?

Well written, with a good sense of verse. Keep reading and writing.

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