Friday, February 14, 2014

TROFEO 2.0 When Toys Had a New Year Party [Category: Senior Entry No.: 1]

Dear diary,
Frankfurt; January 1, 2014

My entry tonight is going to be rather lengthy, basically as a compensation for not having written anything last night. But I will tell you all that happened yesterday. Don’t worry.

Yesterday, when I opened my math notebook to do some sums, a tiny paper slipped out of it. It was a note from someone and it read..
“Meet me today (31 Dec, 2013) at 11:30 p.m. near the basement of your house.
Do not tell anyone anything about this.
If you decide not to come, the loss will be all yours.
Tear the note as soon as you have read it.”

It spooked the hell out of me for I did not know who had sent me this note? Why was I, a tiny 13 year old girl, summoned near the basement at such a late hour, and that too alone..? Well! Who could possibly do it, for I did not remember anybody coming into my room, all of the past fortnight? And the note mentioned ‘today’.

I decided to don my bravest façade and resolved to go down till the basement at night to see who it was. I also took my fat teddy bear along, just in case I needed some moral support.

There, in the basement, I saw nobody. Just a couple of strange equipment that daddy used on his occasional car cleaning sprees and a toy soldier. I was surprised to see my toy soldier there, though. My family swears by my cleanliness and orderliness, there is never a toy or thing out of its place, once it is no longer in use. I have told you that numerous times. And here in front of me was my toy soldier..why?? And more importantly, how?

Even as the temperatures outside were going for a free fall, a drop of sweat trickled down my back.

In the midst of all this confusion, suddenly the lights went out and I froze just where I stood. And before I could realize anything, my teddy bear leapt out of my hand and jumped onto my shoulder. And, dear Diary, I still don’t know how I survived that moment. Just so suddenly, like a flash of thunder, the lights came back and ever so spontaneously, my teddy jumped and sat on top of my head. Yes, that sounds funny, but I was scared to the bone. I could hear my heartbeat as loud as Bob Sir’s march past drum beat at school.

And as my eyes adjusted to the bright lights, I saw all my toys swarming into the basement in what appeared to be a kind of a synchronized performance, all to the tune of ‘happy birthday to you’. But the words in the tune were, ‘happy New Year to you’. Well, what exactly was all this, I had no idea.

“Wish you a very happy New Year, Rose! Welcome to our gala celebration. All of us, your very well kept toys, decided to have party this time round too.” My toy soldier spoke up rather unexpectedly. “But this year, we decided to call you too, since we were sure you would enjoy and that you wouldn’t tell it to anyone.”
“Oh!”, said an overwhelmed I.
“This New Year, we wanted to give you a big big surprise by calling you down here and to disclose to you one of the closest kept secrets of the toy world.”

My favourite dinosaur suddenly enlarged, turned around and opened its wings. There, by the tips of the wings, were attached two ends of a big banner that read, “Welcome 2014”, and the entire basement was filled with the ringing and mildly echoing clatter of claps of all of my toys. Even the mouse was somehow trying to put his hands together. Then out of nowhere, my kitchen set came walking in. The cookers and the woks had developed tiny limbs under them. Behind them was walking my teddy bear, wearing an apron and a cook’s cap. I never realized when it had vanished from atop my head. The lids of the toy utensils jumped open and out came the yummiest aroma of freshly cooked food, I have ever witnessed in my life.  

I was watching all this as if someone had put a body and tongue bind curse on me. Ha! My dolls had to hold my hand and shake me to restore my senses, before they offered me some food. As the clocks neared 11:59 p.m., the little birds from my puzzles organized themselves into what I think of now as the best ballet performance ever.

As I recollect all that happened last night, when the toys, my toys, threw a New Year party for me, I am overwhelmed with emotion. We had so much fun. Till well past 4:00 a.m., we danced to the tunes of the my little puppet radio. It was the best New Year party I have ever attended. God bless my toys.
I really don’t remember when the dance ended and what happened later. I might have been very tired and must have slept there only. Maybe. But in the morning, I found myself carefully tucked in my own bed and all my playthings back in their own places as before.

Oh, I so love my toys. I love them even more now. The very fact they can come alive at nightfall is so so incredulous. Long live my toys, I wish I never grow up.



Renee : Although this story is well-written and interesting, I thought that Rose engaged in some risky behavior by meeting an unknown person alone in the dark, taking only a teddy bear for protection.  And this is so well-written through the rest of the story, you should consider having Rose accidentally find the toy party as she searches for her lost toy soldier.  You used lots of details to explain what the toys did during their party, which adds to the appeal.  This story has much potential to be a story book where each page shows the toys engaging in a different type of party activity.

Sandhya : An interesting format of writing a story – as a diary entry. This makes the narration so much more personal, and can be written in an informal tone. This qualifies very well for both. The anonymous note was a very nice touch.
Very well written. You have a lot of potential – do keep writing regularly, and read a lot – that will hone your skill.

Neha : Very well written. Has an interesting beginning. It engages the readers’ interest right at the start and manages to keep it aroused till the end. The concept is good and so the story line is remarkable.
Dialogue and characterization as tools to make the tale interesting are very well used. Use of phrases is also effective. Imagination is evident in the dragon and birds performances as well as the invitation. Creativity and skill are very well balanced. It is good attempt.

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