Once in the castle of Disney , princess Cinderalla with prince Chraming held a ball on occasion of the NEW YEAR’S EVE for all the toys inthe town.From the four feet tall teddy bear to the tiny peas in the pod there were toys of all sorts of sizes and shapes. From the bright yellow to the to the dull grey there were multicoloured toys all around. All the princesses and princes from the neighbouring town were there with their fairy guardians. There were a bunch of different toys like the smiley ball and their partner bats. Macqueen and Sally Carrera were the cutest couple there was an interesting menu with chocolate fountains and donut stacks. The hall was not only decorated with flowers and lights but also candies ‘n’ chocolates . There were tables of OREO and chairs of biscuit sticks. There even were couches of marsh mellows and cushions of cotton candy. Every toy danced to the tunes that Bookworm played. Bullseye and Buttercup had a lot fun dancing on the gems the dance floor. Woody, Buss, Lotso’huggin bear and Alladin loved the mocktails served in the ice creamcone . Barbie, Ken and Jessie enjoed the party a lot. Just as the clock struck twelve the lights went off every one screamed in a chorus voice and wished ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR TOYS’. When the lights came back all the toys wished each other HAPPY NEW YEAR . And that was the end of the NEW YEAR party for all the toys.
Renee : This story certainly includes practically every toy a child might have in the toy box! You effectively describe what each toy is doing during the party. You also include lots of sensory impressions about the colors, food, decorations, and dance floor. I liked your comparison of sizes – the big bear and the tiny peas. You have a few spelling errors that are easily fixed, so when you do that, you will have a wonderful story that might be fun to illustrate.
Sandhya : It is very clear that this story has been written with the names of actual toys that the writer has. A very charming idea.
Do read stories written by Enid Blyton – especially Tales of Toyland and the Amelia Jane series. Work on your writing, add paragraph breaks and dialogues to improve the narrative. Good attempt.
Keep reading and writing.
Neha : You can work on your imagination more. Story line is simple and could be made more interesting by developing it more.