Friday, February 7, 2014

TROFEO 2.0 When Toys Had A New Year Party [Category: Middle Entry No.: 5]

Mostly people make a simple new year party with snacks, cold drinks, Chinese, etc. But I and my family were getting bored with this new year party celebrated every year.
This is my best experience in my life when I was just seven. We went to a Toy's New Year Party. Where there was a show which just concluded of toys. All the toys were sitting on the chair to see the show. We took the permission of the toys for seeing the show and then we went inside. First there was a wonderful dance of toys, the toys did handstand, back flip and many other gymnastics in the dance. This situation arrived that we all thought that the humans are dancing. Then a type of circus dance was shown to us. Some toys took a ring and rotated around their belly and some of them caught the rope and slide in the air. Others did juggling with leather balls and were dancing very well staying on the ground. And at last they made a goodbye skit, which we enjoyed a lot.
This was the best new year party we ever had since my 6 years of life.

Renee : What a fun view of the toys at a New Year’s party!  I could see them enjoying themselves as they did gymnastics, danced, and juggled.  However, while this is a fun story, there are many grammatical errors which made it difficult to read.  When you clean up those problem areas, you will have the start of a story that has the potential for a wonderful picture book where each page shows a different group of toys doing different performances for the people who watch them.

Sandhya : Quite an interesting party!
You should practice writing on different topics – maybe take a random topic (you can search for random topic generators on the net), and write on it for half an hour without thinking too much about it; anything and everything that comes to mind. Slowly, you will begin to get a hang of how to write, and will see your own writing maturing. All the best! Keep reading and writing.

Neha : Very average attempt. There are some language errors and punctuation mistakes too. Practice writing more. Work on imagination and story line. 

1 comment:

  1. good attempt. refine and rewrite. ATB!