I WILL NEVER FORGET : A DAUGHTER'S STORY OF HER MOTHER'S ARDUOUS and HUMOROUS JOURNEY THROUGH DEMENTIA by ELAINE C. PEREIRA

TITLE : I WILL NEVER FORGET
AUTHOR : ELAINE C. PEREIRA
PUBLICATION : i UNIVERSE STAR
ISBN : 978-1-938908-58-3

   " The dead are not buried in the ground but in our hearts.
      They will be there for you when you need them."


This book is much more than a memoir. Written by Elaine in memory of her mother Elizabeth Ward. It gives you an insight into the world of dementia, the pain and confusion not only of it's victim but also of the loved one's who have to see a beloved being ravaged by this disease.

The book takes you back and forth in time, makes you feel happy when the author takes you down her childhood lane through her tantrums, teenage rebellion, her love and affection for her family. Makes you feel sad, when she takes you back to the harsh reality of life, by taking you back to the facility where her parents and later where her mother is staying.

The story very often brings tears to your eyes. Elaine has described her mother's story with such poignancy that you feel her as well as Betty's pain and makes you think about the dementia victims across the world.

 Such simple things in life which we take for granted and dementia victims struggle with them. The  author makes you see life through her mother's eyes, sometimes very foggy and other times lucid. 
                                                                                                                                                               You see the once smart and strong Betty Ward, confused to see her name on her own credit card while paying her bill, as she is simply unable to connect her own name with herself. 

 Elaine has also shown Betty's amazing strength time and again in the book. On one of her clearer days Betty displays her strong character again and behaves like her old self and says "I hope that if this is genetic, your brothers David or Jerry inherited this gene and not you."


 The courageous lady who braved not only her husband's death also of her two sons, does not fail to admit that she is not able to remember things most of the time and finds life hazy. Such open vulnerability is simply heart rending. It is so touching to see Elaine look for signs from her dead brother, for his guidance.

 Elaine does not stick to the arduous side of dementia but has also well chronicled the hilarious side of the effects of the disease. She is  also openly appreciative of the support of her husband, daughters, the doctors and the staff of the facilities and the people who helped her cope up during this journey.

While reading the book many times I had to keep the book down because I found it overwhelming and very often left me choked up because of emotions it evoked. 

 Imagine the plight of the daughter whose biggest fear is that her mother is not going to remember her the next moment! Hats off to that mother who not only courageously fought the disease but also did not let her daughter down and left Elaine's fear unfounded!!!



Extremely touching book that tugs straight at your heart strings!!!

Only One Life To Give by Arun Kaul

Title : Only One Life to Give

Author : Arun Kaul

Publisher : Frog Books

ISBN : 978-93-82473-76-3

Arun Kaul opens a window and invites readers to peak into the life that he lived, through a set of short stories. The stories are wisely categorized under four sections. While 'Touching the Sky' has anecdotes from his professional life, some personal experiences are being shared in 'Within the Family'. The other two sections : 'Strangers in the Fold' and 'Women - What it Takes' bring to us some memoirs from the lives of other individuals. Same strings hold all these tales together - the strings of life values, inspiration, dedication, emotion, compassion, sincerity and empathy. Readers get an interesting opportunity to meet - philanthropy personified, a free spirit defying every shackle thrown her way, an individual embracing extreme atonement for his sin, a great administrator-facilitator-patriot, enormity of a mother's sacrifice, uprightness of a villager; and many more. 

We all create and become a part of many stories as we live our lives and when we look back these accounts appear prominently on the screen of our memories. Arun Kaul has collected these images from his memory screen and weaved them beautifully into a series of tales in 'Only One Life to Give'. 

Personally I liked the first section of the book the most. Although the personal section 'Within the Family' should have touched the heart strings the most, it falls short of doing so. Chronology of some events are described repetitively at various places which pushes the narrative to the drab side. Moreover, the abruptness of the personal story of mistrust and betrayal is sure to leave readers with bad taste

in the mouth.  Barring these two downers, the rest of the stories are a delight to read.

A post-graduate in Literature and Management, Arun Kaul made a career in Indian Air Force, followed by working in private sector in various capacities. More on him here.

Wise Enough To Be Foolish by Gauri Jayaram

Title :Wise Enough to be Foolish
Author: Gauri Jayaram
Publisher : Jaico Publishing House
Genre: Fictionalised Memoir

It’s a candid story. Direct and simple, a tale almost any middle class girl who has gone against the tide of family customs and marriage and lived her life on her own terms, making mistakes and learning from them; sometimes not learning and making them again.

We are introduced to Gauri when her marriage is on the rocks, a marriage we learn of her own choice maybe more out of convenience, ease and friendship than love and inter-religious to the boot. What brings her to this stage, her struggle (if you may call it, considering she had lead a comfortable middle class life) , her journey from growing up as an armed forces child to becoming a true Mumbai girl forms the first half of the story. It is interesting, anecdotal and very realistic. Readers, especially women, can identify with it as the stories are very similar to their own.

 A girl trying to reason against gender discrimination and stereotyping in her own family, she grows into a rebel. Her coming of age along with the crushes and disappointments are typical of teenagers. Her strength is her intellect, the rare trait of foresight as well as a reasoning mind. She has amazingly clear insight as well as foresight. She then moves on to Mumbai as a college girl and we get a glimpse of her hostel life and work. This part has nothing new but refreshingly told and very entertaining. Her travails and travels and new people that she meets and befriends are interesting.

Again we come to the beginning of the tale and see her through the process of a divorce; which she handles with characteristic calm and intelligence. She continues her turbulent journey of self discovery and of finding true love and her own happiness and we are thoroughly entertained.

It’s a tale you can identify with. Many incidents and lines make you reminisce about your own life. Women can easily identify the gender bias, the stereotyping and the family pressure and the stress that a dominating relationship gives you. But what is most heartening is her determination to overcome everything and live her life on her own terms. The writing style is simple and flowing. The dialogues are crisp and the characterisation apt. Some characters though could have been more fleshed out. Also the men are given too much word-space, a little less about them and a little more about the other women and her work would have been welcome.

All in all a simple but refreshing tale which will make you introspect and feel good. A book that will surely tell you that pursuing your own happiness is not after all a crime. A good entertaining read.

Mick...Send Me A Butterfly

pic courtesy kobobooks.com

Mick...Send Me A Butterfly
Written by Lorraine Grennan
Revised edition published by Love of Books Self Publishing.

Death is always disturbing.  Even if the person has passed away peacefully after a long and productive life. Even when it is of someone one knows only slightly. Even if it is the death of a loved fictional character. Even if it is someone one has never heard of before. What makes us react this way to a death? Why are we touched by the finger of sorrow even if we have not directly suffered this loss? Isn't it the realisation of our own mortality?

The everyday news items about deaths in the newpaper disturb me - I make it a point never to read these pages early in my day, especially if it is the death of a child or a violent death that is featured.

So when it is a dear one whose death we are dealing with, it can be devastating. And when it is a parent who has to deal with a child's death, it becomes doubly so. Somehow we expect to die before our children. It is, we feel, the natural order of things. After all, life goes on in a forward direction. Children are born of our bodies, and are our hope for the future. A way for nature to ensure that we do not disappear into nothingness. A way to keep a part of us alive on this beautiful earth. In a strange way, we become immortal through our children, and our children's children, and so on. So, it is terrible indeed, when things go the other way. When a parent has to see the suffering of a child, and the relentless descent into the big void of death. Whether it comes suddenly or after a long and debilitating illness.

Lorraine Grennan's book, 'Mick...Send Me A Butterfly' is a memoir of her son Michael Stewart Grennan's fight with Chronic Myloid Leukaemia. He was diagnosed with the disease on 29th August 1981, and passed away on 23rd March 1983 at just 20 years of age - a period of one year and seven months of facing the monster. Today, 23rd March 2013, would be the 30th anniversary of his death, and this is a tribute to his fighting spirit. One that has touched many lives that came in contact with his courage and forbearance.

At 18, Mick was your regular teenager, having a girlfriend and a job at a gas station, plenty of friends and a loving family. He had his whole life in front of him, when the disease crept up on him unbeknownst. It was diagnosed after a series of tests for symptoms that seemed like arthritis. It was a punch in the solar plexus, to put it mildly. Ms Grennan writes about how they all coped with the reality of impending death in their own ways. It was devastating, and something that they never could come to terms with. At such a time, Mick showed a maturity beyond his years and became the source of his family's strength, preparing them for his death and the time after it, in unusually thoughtful ways that Ms Grennan has put down with complete honesty of emotion. It does not fail to move, and I had to put the book away at times to bring my own emotions to order. She recounts the shock, the denial, the coping with the treatment (with its own consequences) and the bewilderment of a layperson thrust into the unending medical visits. She speaks of her faith and that of her family and friends, that gave them the strength to cope with the inevitable - both before and after Mick's passing away.

Ms Grennan also writes very honestly about the feelings of loss, guilt, and helplessness that overcame her and the other members of her family after Mick passed away. How every person grieves in a different way, a way very personal to that person, the way they perceive their loss, the way they deal with it. The way that coping with grief does not have a timeline, and that even after we learn to let go, the grief is still very real for the bereaved person. And that healing does come, in its own way to each person.

After his passing away, Ms Grennan was introduced to The Compassionate Friends, a group started by similarly bereaved parents, and it helped her deal with her feelings of grief. Intense feelings that she often wondered about- if they were normal. Ms Grennan has since worked extensively as a volunteer in its chapter in her hometown in New South Wales, Australia. Her work since has helped thousands of bereaved people come to terms with their loss.

This memoir, which is written in almost a diary-like fashion, draws the reader into their lives. A peek into the extraordinary courage of ordinary people. It has been a privilege.

Indian.English. by Jillian Haslam

Title : Indian English

Author : Jillian Haslam

Publisher : New Generation Publishing

ISBN : 978-1-908775-00-9

After having read 'The City of Djinns' I got keenly interested in finding more about how the post-independence era in India treated the people who were not considered Indians yet were no less Indians. I look to read more on the White Mughals, Indian English and about people who just chose or were forced to stay back in India after the British rule ended and this book fell into that category.

Indian English is a memoir of Jillian Haslam who shares her experiences of growing up in the period of post-colonialism in India and what it took from her and from her family for being different in a country who was going through its own infancy period. She recalls her journey of life which began from damp, dingy and narrow by-lanes of Calcutta where she saw misery very closely in the form of poverty, hunger, racism, abuse, death and hopelessness. But despite all these odds against the family, she managed to carve her way out of that misery and gradually brought her immediate family out of it too. She does mention that for every wrongdoing towards them, she did experience some kindness somewhere even though of lesser magnitude or seemingly insignificant which kept her faith alive all through the troubled years.

Now having her past behind her, she is instrumental in helping many individuals stuck in desperate situations, through her foundation. She has become an epitome of inspiration, grit and determination for many.

Though it is a memoir yet I found the natural sensitivity lacking which memoirs usually bring for the readers. I found the writer repeating herself many times throughout the narrative which makes the whole reading experience a little drab. I do not want to sound heartless when I say this that there are a lot of factors which contribute to the success or failure of any thing and in my humble opinion, the author has ignored evaluating the whole situation radically, including, commenting on the personal choices being made by the parents or siblings or the family as a whole.

I felt really bad that somewhere somebody had to undergo this much pain but I would blame it on not so good narration and editing, that the book failed to evoke the emotions which such books usually do.