TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category: Senior Entry No.: 4]

It would easily have been the fifteenth time since morning and almost two score times since last evening that Mrs. Robert had checked the letterbox. Additionally, there would not have been a moment spent since, when she had not been thinking of it. Even the slightest noise of the cat outside made Mrs. Robert jump up and look out of the window with anticipation. Snail mail, after all, was her only connect with her son now. Occasional letters from him, far East in the cavalry wing were just one of the two reasons she attributed her existence to. And as he had not written in almost a month and a half, a letter from him was anything but due. But then there was a war underway. Who knew what might be happening or what might have happened. Life isn’t as easy as it seems.

The second thing that lit her solitary life atop an almost desolate hill was her yearly Christmas Eve escapade. Today happened to be the silver jubilee of the task she has so fondly and arduously taken upon herself year on year. Wearing the Santa Claus outfit, carrying a sack full of hand knitted sweaters, muffs, gloves, socks and so on and distributing them among the less fortunate children, on this one day of the year, required yearlong planning, efforts of everyday and provided satisfaction unmatchable. 26 December to 2January was her annual ‘vacation’. As soon as the New Year began, she would set upon her knitting once again. The warmth of smiles of the little recipients of her handiwork lingered on in her heart the whole year round and kindled up in her, just enough pleasure to go on and ready another garment, till she realized it was Christmas time all over again and that her sack was already brimming. She had been doing all this for 25 whole years, although in the initial 13-14 years, the distributable wares were mostly bought from the market, when she had little prowess in knitting and little time left after nursing her husband, an ailing hero of a glorious war of long ago.

***

She remembered the day her son had announced that he had planned to take after his dad and join the defense forces. Till date she had not been able to make up her mind on whether it was happy news or not. A mother’s heart could be felt screeching and heard shaking each time a letter with the East Cavalry Division postmark landed in her hands, even after his having joined service almost a decade ago. Her heartbeat could be heard 2 miles away. The same heart swelled with pride each time someone praised anything having anything to do with defense forces or when he wrote about his latest accomplishment or his new promotion. But why hadn’t he written for so long? What if… no nothing. He must have been busy, that’s it. Or was he? But there was a war. Correspondence may not be permissible. Then there was always a case of lost in transit. But what if..? The enemy was strong. No no, not Nicholas. Not him. The letter would come. It will come when it will come. Oh, but didn’t Shakespeare use this phrase in context of death. Oh NO NONO… all was well all was well. The postman was on leave maybe. It had been snowing off and on. But…No.. Ah! The storm in her cranium failed to calm down.

***

It was getting dark and it was time once again, the twenty-fifth time, to adorn the Santa Clause attire. It was time this puzzled and stressed soul, distributed love, hope and joy.

With a big green sack on one shoulder, this red clad lady, oops..man with a big grey beard strode onto the street. As (s)he set aside her worries for the time, overwhelmed by the task at hand, she marveled at how each and every little strand of wool, every piece of the clothing that her sack contained has passed between her nimble fingers and how each garment contained within itself a story, a saga of joy, a tale of love, a will to spread happiness, a mirror of mountain loads of emotion. She pictured the small toothless smile a toddler would give her when she would enter the orphanage and present him with the little bonnet she had made. That smile would be all the nutrition she would require till the next X-mas. Or will it be..?

Walking along the narrow path downhill, she had a flashback of all the years she had spent. Money was never a constraint. Her husband had left behind loads and Nicholas earned just well enough. She had her own little land under the sun. Food was ample. Time was ample. And so was her spirit.

A little white snowflake settled on her bright red sleeve. Did someone say white? Nicholas’s envelope would also be white. Oh! When would it come, a drop of elixir for this desperate soul?

***

Santa presented his wares to the kids. The little baby in the cradle got yellow mittens. He put a knitted blanket over the sleeping angle lookalike. The cardigan with a panda motif went to the tattered shirt boy. The green bonnet went to a girl named Tia. For Santa, it was like reliving the best moment of life, for the twenty-fifth time. The sweet feeling called ecstasy engulfed Mrs. Robert, the Santa Claus of the day. It was acknowledgeable that this feeling wasn’t easy to let go. On its own it would never wear off. It was almost the reason Mrs. Robert was alive. 

With sack empty and heart full, and after a teary and heart wrenching farewell, Mrs. Robert ascended up the hill to her tiny abode that nestled near the top, betwixt a cluster of tall Deodars.

As she neared her home, as the Santa of the day inched closer home, the heavy bag of anticipation that had just been left behind on the way down, slowly started settling back in position. Each step forward meant a new prayer and a galaxy full of hope.

A strange fear was beginning to reside in her mind. The puzzle and anxiety were quietly reinstated. The lightness of the heart by the evening’s delightful proceedings was pulling her mind upwards but a heavy stone like thing was pulling it downwards. She wished there was a Santa for her too. She, for the first time in her life, wished for technology.

***

Santa unlocked the door and changed back into Mrs. Roberts. She folded the red attire, which would only be reopened next year, if she continued to exist on the face of the earth. She picked up her green sack to put it in her cupboard where it would gradually be filled again. As she picked it up from her rocking chair where she had placed it after entering, something fell on the wooden flooring. Something small but heavy. It was a white envelope with a familiar postmark. A heart could be felt screeching and heard shaking. The puzzle was at its zenith.

JUDGE’S VIEWS:

Renee : What an engaging tale about a female Santa – a refreshing look at the old holiday story.  Your first paragraph very effectively draws the reader into the mystery of what happened to Mrs. Roberts’ son.  You effectively used a strong metaphor of a hill to describe Mrs. Roberts’ life.  Your descriptions are excellent and help the reader to visualize your scenes.  I also like how you leave the reader satisfied in the knowledge that Mrs. Roberts received a letter from her son, Nicholas.  Could this be the same Nicholas who became St. Nicholas and took over his mother’s duties?  What a fun premise!  To improve this story, try to eliminate the linking verbs (am, is are, was, were, be, being, been) that create passive voice and poor description.  For example, A strange fear was beginning to reside in her mind is not as strong as this without the linking verb: A strange fear began to reside in her mind.  When expanded, this story has the potential of becoming a wonderful novel!

Sandhya : An excellent and absolutely riveting piece of writing. Loved the many layers in this story. The female Santa, the worry for a son far away in combat, the yearning for news of him, the spirit of giving that keeps her going despite the loneliness, the wish for a Santa for herself. Also the creation of the atmosphere in which the story is set – this was magic with words. Also, the end of the story has so much left unsaid. Very effective.

Very well written. Do continue writing, and of course, reading.

Neha : Very well written and very engaging. The beginning and the conclusion are very dramatic. I liked the open ended conclusion which leaves the reader thinking.

It has a beautiful premise, a very well structured plot and a definite story line emphasizing only a short time and a single incident. Tightly knit, the story keeps the reader on tenterhooks just like the protagonist herself is: a very well achieved effect.

No notable errors and good use of language is commendable. There are a few punctuation errors though. Also the inner dialogue should have been enclosed in inverted commas.

This is decidedly the best attempt in this section.

TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category: Senior Entry No.: 3]

It was just another frosty and foggy December night and I was all alone at home amidst my work. My work, a research project on inventory management, much like any regular college project work, required truckloads of research, a zillion references and a task of interviewing some ‘n’ number of specialists to gain some real time insights. With papers, on whom I had written tit-bits collected on the topic from numerous libraries and books strewn around me, here, there and everywhere, I sat biting my fingernails staring blankly at the computer waiting for some God –made humans some half the globe across to accept my proposal for a mini interview for my project. Ah! Projects are always so strenuous.

I had kept the window behind me open, to let the cold air in. The gentle touch of freezing air against the hot headedness my work required was always so pleasantly welcoming. The gentle rustle of leaves outside and an occasional bark of the neighbour’s dog made up for a real Ruskin Bond novel like backdrop.

Suddenly, my phone buzzed and the neighbour’s dog barked. With much anticipation, I checked my phone. It was a call from my sister, Jane, instructing me to hang her stocking near the Christmas tree for Santa. Some people decidedly never grow up, I thought!

Crossing over the living room to reach the tree, I was reminded of the good old days when I was a little kid and when innocence was surely a bliss. On the Christmas morning, I would find all of my stockings that were hanging on the washing line, filled up with toffees and cookies. When I grew up a little, I remember having found a set of sketch pens under my pillow, as a gift from Santa. On another occasion, it was a pair of pink sandals. Those used to be the carefree kidhood days when I actually thought Santa was for real. Ha!

As I settled back comfortably in the epic mess that I had so prudently and painstakingly created, nostalgia took the better of me and I started going down deeper into my memory lane and suddenly, I started feeling very cold. I turned around to check if the window was still open. It was. It was time to slam it shut. As I approached the window, I knew dad was already home. He was near the porch. I could hear his breathing in the eerie silence of a winter night. Sound of footsteps followed. I would have to run to open the front door to let him in. But why didn’t he ring the bell?

***

 I remember hearing the breathing and the footsteps. The bell did not ring. I can testify all this, just as much as the fact that when I opened the door, I found no one. Where was dad? Why was he behaving so odd?

I decided to walk till the kitchen garden to see if he were there. Yeah, I could hear some movement. What was dad doing in the kitchen garden at 11 p.m. on the coldest of winter nights? I called out to him and received no reply. Well!

***

With the lights switched on, I could see that there was no one, but a red something was poking out of the corner of the wall of the house. What was that?, I guessed. A red this bright at home, was probably just Jane’s doll’s frock, and this wasn’t that. Mom and I hate reds. With scare engulfing every body part of mine, I decided to check what the red thing was. It was a person in a red coat.

“Dad!”

“hmm… shhhh… sorry sorry. Please be silent. I won’t harm you. Please.”, he whispered in a distressed tone.

“Dad?”

“Nooo…shhhhh”

“What exactly are you doing here dressed as Santa Claus, Dad??”

“Shhhhhh….. please. Noonooo noise please. I will be discovered.”

“It is OK… Jane…. is not at home right now.” Who was this man, by the way? This person here dressed as Santa Claus wasn’t dad. No he wasn’t. Dad was the last person to do such buffoonery as to dress up like Santa and hide behind a wall when Jane wasn’t even home, carry a big sack of heaven-knows-what and then fear being discovered.

“Who are you?”, I demanded in my sternest and loudest voice. “Who are you?”, I repeated.

“I.. I am Santa Clause… The official one… The main one... From North Pole... Rudolph’s out there, but you won’t be able to see it… I’ve .. It.. It is invisible.”

“And you think I will believe you, you rascal…”

“Shhh… I.. I am the real Santa. Please don’t be so loud. I can prove that I am the real one…. You are 

Paula, 20 years old and when your sister asked what you wished Santa to give you this Christmas, you had casually mentioned you wanted a brand new door bell and a set of cookie moulds. Jane wanted a new doll and the entire Famous Five series by Enid Blyton. I have brought all this for you girls… Merry Christmas”

There was a pause. A rather long and an uncomfortable one.

I had mentioned these things, and at the dead of a particular night weeks and weeks ago. “How do you know we wanted these things?” I interrogated dominatingly.

“This is the way Santa Claus works. This is the way I work. Sorry, I did not wish to be discovered. This has happened for the first time in the 34 years that I have been holding this post. None of my predecessors were discovered when they were on duty, either.”

“So it is a post you hold…” This was turning out to be interesting. Somehow I had some inkling that this man was genuine and he was Santa only. But I couldn’t lose my guard. As I stood towering upon this tiny potbellied gentleman, he took out two packages, each with our names on it and handed out to me.

“Here are your gifts. Merry Christmas.”

“Oh! Thank you Santa! Wish you a very merry Christmas!.. Do come inside. Taste our home made plum cake.”, I offered politely.

“Oh! Thanks a lot.”

***

We failed to pull in his sack of presents through the front door, though. I made him sit in the living room, and served him our plum cake, which he liked very much. He cleared my misconception of growing up that Santa was not for real, but rather a make belief by benevolent daddies and mommies.

Additionally, I asked him where from, he sourced all the presents that he was to distribute that night and how he managed the volumes. Inadvertently and by my sheer good luck, I had found a perfect interviewee for my project on inventory management.

Of course, in the project, I had to include his views as someone who “did not wish to be named” for saving myself from ridicule (no one would believe in reality of Santa, just like I never did before the encounter) and prevent his discovery from being made public. For knowing what he actually told me, you would have to go through my project report.

Merry Christmas!!

JUDGE’S VIEWS:

Renee : What a complex Christmas story with several subplots to increase the interest level! Your story also uses lots of alliteration, metaphors, hyperbole, body language, and sensory imagery to place your reader in the story with your characters.  However, my favorite part is how you tied the research project requirement in the introductory paragraph with Santa’s inventory management in your conclusion.  I always wondered how he kept the toys and children organized! I hope Paula gets a good grade on her paper!  You can improve this story by observing the rules for dialogue punctuation.  You only need one punctuation mark before the dialogue tag. For example, “Who are you?”, I repeated should become “Who are you?” I repeated. This story will appeal to younger readers who are just beginning to question the existence of Santa!

Sandhya : An interesting story. I liked the way the stage was set for Santa to arrive – the atmosphere, the inventory project. The bit about Santa being upset over having been discovered on his job, the first time that it happened, was a nice touch. As was the part where Santa clears the writer’s misconception about Santa not being real.

The end of the story, though, did not continue at the same pace that the first two parts did. It somehow felt as if it was hurriedly composed. Maybe you could work a bit more on that?

Very well written. Keep writing and reading.

Neha : There is ample use of dialogue though less characterization. The scenario is very well built up with good descriptions of weather and the surroundings. Plot construction is good. The story line becomes very interesting what with inventory management being learnt from Santa, though how and why he gets caught by the narrator is not very clearly developed.

There are no glaring errors but an overdose of adjectives and idiomatic words and phrases.

TROFEO 2.0 When Toys Had a New Year Party [Category: Senior Entry No. 2]

Daisy was reading her favourite book “The Toy Story” when she heard some noises. It was from her brother Paul and her Toy Room.

There were sound of engines, cars honking and music playing . She tiptoed and opened the door a wee bit. There, in Toy room was the most amazing scene she had ever seen! Thomas the Engine was speeding away on the tracks and the whistling. The Hot Wheels cars were all over the room like it was a highway! There was Paul’s guitar, drums and keyboard playing by themselves.

There was Daisy’s favourite Barbie all decked up in her Party dress in Paul’s “Lightning Mc Queen”!

Then suddenly, there was silence. Thomas, the engine went back to the station, the cars parked themselves in the garage.

Barbie stepped out of the car and then followed Woody, Minnie, Batman, Spiderman and Cinderella.

The music started playing again and all of them started dancing. It was a splendid sight indeed. They seemed to be celebrating something! There were cakes, cookies, chocolates, ice-cream and soda!

Suddenly, the music stopped. A crystal ball appeared at the ceiling and as the ball rolled down, the countdown began “ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five”, “Oh they were have a New Year Party!” , “five, four, three, two one.. ”The whole room shook and Daisy felt there was an earthquake. She opened her eyes and saw her Mom. It was time for school!

JUDGE’S VIEWS:

Renee : I like how you transitioned your main character from reading her favorite book to living with the characters in the book during her dream.  You used lots of detail as you describe each of the toys, showing what they did and ate.  To bring this story together, introduce it with an assignment from school that would tie into your last sentence.  Maybe Daisy had to write a story about what the toys did when nobody could see them.  Maybe she had to simply write a book review about her favorite book.  Whatever you write should tie your introduction and ending together somehow. 

Sandhya : A story with a nice twist. Well written, for I did not realize until the end that it was a dream. This is an excellent format for fantasy, as anything goes, and free associations can be made.

Very well narrated. Do practice your writing regularly, and read a lot – that will hone your writing skills.

  

Neha : A simple descriptive write up. It has a promising beginning with some sparks of imagination and could have been developed more. Short, simple and sweet. 

TROFEO 2.0 When Toys Had a New Year Party [Category: Senior Entry No.: 1]

Dear diary,

Frankfurt; January 1, 2014

My entry tonight is going to be rather lengthy, basically as a compensation for not having written anything last night. But I will tell you all that happened yesterday. Don’t worry.

Yesterday, when I opened my math notebook to do some sums, a tiny paper slipped out of it. It was a note from someone and it read..

“Meet me today (31 Dec, 2013) at 11:30 p.m. near the basement of your house.
Do not tell anyone anything about this.
If you decide not to come, the loss will be all yours.
Tear the note as soon as you have read it.”

It spooked the hell out of me for I did not know who had sent me this note? Why was I, a tiny 13 year old girl, summoned near the basement at such a late hour, and that too alone..? Well! Who could possibly do it, for I did not remember anybody coming into my room, all of the past fortnight? And the note mentioned ‘today’.

I decided to don my bravest façade and resolved to go down till the basement at night to see who it was. I also took my fat teddy bear along, just in case I needed some moral support.

There, in the basement, I saw nobody. Just a couple of strange equipment that daddy used on his occasional car cleaning sprees and a toy soldier. I was surprised to see my toy soldier there, though. My family swears by my cleanliness and orderliness, there is never a toy or thing out of its place, once it is no longer in use. I have told you that numerous times. And here in front of me was my toy soldier..why?? And more importantly, how?

Even as the temperatures outside were going for a free fall, a drop of sweat trickled down my back.

In the midst of all this confusion, suddenly the lights went out and I froze just where I stood. And before I could realize anything, my teddy bear leapt out of my hand and jumped onto my shoulder. And, dear Diary, I still don’t know how I survived that moment. Just so suddenly, like a flash of thunder, the lights came back and ever so spontaneously, my teddy jumped and sat on top of my head. Yes, that sounds funny, but I was scared to the bone. I could hear my heartbeat as loud as Bob Sir’s march past drum beat at school.

And as my eyes adjusted to the bright lights, I saw all my toys swarming into the basement in what appeared to be a kind of a synchronized performance, all to the tune of ‘happy birthday to you’. But the words in the tune were, ‘happy New Year to you’. Well, what exactly was all this, I had no idea.

“Wish you a very happy New Year, Rose! Welcome to our gala celebration. All of us, your very well kept toys, decided to have party this time round too.” My toy soldier spoke up rather unexpectedly. “But this year, we decided to call you too, since we were sure you would enjoy and that you wouldn’t tell it to anyone.”

“Oh!”, said an overwhelmed I.

“This New Year, we wanted to give you a big big surprise by calling you down here and to disclose to you one of the closest kept secrets of the toy world.”

My favourite dinosaur suddenly enlarged, turned around and opened its wings. There, by the tips of the wings, were attached two ends of a big banner that read, “Welcome 2014”, and the entire basement was filled with the ringing and mildly echoing clatter of claps of all of my toys. Even the mouse was somehow trying to put his hands together. Then out of nowhere, my kitchen set came walking in. The cookers and the woks had developed tiny limbs under them. Behind them was walking my teddy bear, wearing an apron and a cook’s cap. I never realized when it had vanished from atop my head. The lids of the toy utensils jumped open and out came the yummiest aroma of freshly cooked food, I have ever witnessed in my life.  

I was watching all this as if someone had put a body and tongue bind curse on me. Ha! My dolls had to hold my hand and shake me to restore my senses, before they offered me some food. As the clocks neared 11:59 p.m., the little birds from my puzzles organized themselves into what I think of now as the best ballet performance ever.

As I recollect all that happened last night, when the toys, my toys, threw a New Year party for me, I am overwhelmed with emotion. We had so much fun. Till well past 4:00 a.m., we danced to the tunes of the my little puppet radio. It was the best New Year party I have ever attended. God bless my toys.

I really don’t remember when the dance ended and what happened later. I might have been very tired and must have slept there only. Maybe. But in the morning, I found myself carefully tucked in my own bed and all my playthings back in their own places as before.

Oh, I so love my toys. I love them even more now. The very fact they can come alive at nightfall is so so incredulous. Long live my toys, I wish I never grow up.

Love,

Rose

JUDGE’S VIEWS:

Renee : Although this story is well-written and interesting, I thought that Rose engaged in some risky behavior by meeting an unknown person alone in the dark, taking only a teddy bear for protection.  And this is so well-written through the rest of the story, you should consider having Rose accidentally find the toy party as she searches for her lost toy soldier.  You used lots of details to explain what the toys did during their party, which adds to the appeal.  This story has much potential to be a story book where each page shows the toys engaging in a different type of party activity.

Sandhya : An interesting format of writing a story – as a diary entry. This makes the narration so much more personal, and can be written in an informal tone. This qualifies very well for both. The anonymous note was a very nice touch.

Very well written. You have a lot of potential – do keep writing regularly, and read a lot – that will hone your skill.

Neha : Very well written. Has an interesting beginning. It engages the readers’ interest right at the start and manages to keep it aroused till the end. The concept is good and so the story line is remarkable.

Dialogue and characterization as tools to make the tale interesting are very well used. Use of phrases is also effective. Imagination is evident in the dragon and birds performances as well as the invitation. Creativity and skill are very well balanced. It is good attempt.

TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category: Middle Entry No.: 10]

Once there was a Christmas party organized by Riya Yadav. The theme of the party was red colour. The party started. Some of them wore casual red dress and some tried to wear dress of Santa Claus. All of them had a Santa cap. Riya wore a long and bright gown. It was looking very pretty on her. The party had lots of games and good and healthy food. All of them sang Christmas carols like ‘Rudolph the red nose reindeer’. They had a lot of fun.

At 12 p.m. Riya cut the Christmas cake. After some time, Santa came. Everyone was surprised to see Santa Clause at home. He clicked photos with everyone. They enjoyed very much with Santa. He gave lots of gifts and offered sweets. But Riya was surprised. She didn’t know who this Santa was, as he had hidden his face with a Santa mask. When the party was over and everyone went back to their homes, Riya tugged at the Santa’s sleeve and asked who he was. The Santa removed his mask and oh my God!, he was actually her father, Dr. Yadav. She hugged him very tightly. She thanked her father for being a Santa for the night and for making her party even better. This was the best Christmas party the Yadavs have ever had!

JUDGE’S VIEWS:

Renee : This was a fun idea to have a “red” party for Christmas.  I see lots of potential for even more than the red clothing – red cake, red peppers, red decorations, etc.  When you add more details that use the color red, you will have a very coordinated story.  Also, consider adding a touch of mystery by having the guests wonder who is playing Santa.  Maybe Riya’s father disguised his voice and padded his belly so nobody would guess who it was.  This is a great story of a fun party with much potential for expansion to a longer tale about a Christmas party.

Sandhya : Clearly the narration of a real, and a happy experience, very charming.Well narrated. Maybe you could flesh out the story a bit, add dialogues – they will add more interest to the story. Do keep reading and writing.

Neha : A simple descriptive story, neatly written without any errors. You could add more dialogues and imagination to it.

TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category: Middle Entry No.: 9]

Christmas is a festival where Santa Claus give gifts and visits every house. Whenever I think of Christmas, my mind trails back to the time when Santa Claus was at our doorstep. Let me share this story to you.

It was the eve of Christmas. We decorated our Christmas tree and kept the cookies and milk near it. As we baked more cookies we watched one movie. It was Harry Potter - The Philosopher's Stone. The air was filled with aroma of cookies. Suddenly somebody started banging our house door. We were scared My father looked through the door hole. He smiled and muttered "Great! Santa Claus has come at our doorstep!" He opened the door and there he saw Santa Claus . Santa Claus laughed and chuckled and giggled some more . He laughed again and said-

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas fellas!!! I am Santa Claus! May I come in?". He went towards the sofa and sat with a thump. I asked "How come you came at our doorstep and why not with your signature entrance?" Santa Claus smiled and replied" Ah! It is a very long story. I had visited all the places in the world. The only place left was your place. I was very tired. And the aroma of your cookies brought me here. I did not want to come through the chimney again. So I thought it would be better to enter your house normally with no 'chimney- entering' techniques. Can I have some cookies and milk?" We offered the milk and cookies to Santa Claus. When he was finished he told us some stories related to Christmas. Suddenly our phone rang. My father picked it up. 

The conversation went like this-

Father: Hello? Who is speaking?

Caller: Hi Vineet! How are you? Merry Christmas! This is me, Fred. The sleigh symbolizing the vehicle of Santa Claus outside your house looks pretty awesome. Where did you get this from? It must be two thousand dollars.

Father: Ummm.... Actually Fred, I got this as a gift from my old friend in USA. Meet you tomorrow in office and thanks for appreciating my decoration. Bye! Merry Christmas!

It was actually Santa Claus's sleigh.

Then Santa Claus sang a few carols and explained in detail why Christmas was celebrated in. He gave us some gifts like-a laptop, a few books and fancy pencils and toys.We thanked him for that. He gave his home address(which is a secret ) and his email id which is santa.clausgifts@yahoo.com. Then Santa Claus asked us to show him me and my sister's room. When we entered the room he saw a picture of himself drawn by me and my sister. Santa was very happy then we saw him taking a stick from his coat pocket and flicked it on the picture.The picture became alive. Santa Claus said "You can talk to me through this picture. And if you want to visit my house then call out to this picture 'May I come into your house!' and then you will see a type of well. Plunge into it and you will reach my house. He got up and

it was time for him to go. We bade him goodbye and then Santa Claus sat on his sleigh, pulled the ropes and his sleigh flew up, up and then it disappeared in the sky.

Santa Claus's visit in our house was fun and we enjoyed it. I hope he comes to your house too!!Merry Christmas!!!

JUDGE’S VIEWS:

Renee : This was a magical view of Santa’s visit to the last house on his Christmas Eve tour.  You used lots of sensory details to place your reader directly into the story.  You can improve this story by including a stronger goal for your main character.  What does he really want from Santa?  What might he want to give him?  When you present a goal in the beginning of a story, your readers will cheer when your character meets that goal at the end.  Overall, this is well-written and interesting!

Sandhya : Very imaginative! Santa’s secret home address and email ID are very nice touches. I was also amused by Santa’s banging on the door while the children were watching Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone – clearly a reference to Hagrid. Also the fact that he does not want to use the ‘chimney-entering technique’, and Father’s explanation of the sleigh outside the door.

Do hold on to this story and work on it a bit more later to improve the flow of the narrative. Keep reading and writing.

Neha : An excellent attempt. The story has a well thought out plot. A nice beginning and well described logical conclusion. There is characterization, dialogue, imagination and creativity.

The twist of the Santa picture becoming alive and a secret way to Santa is very interesting. The laptop and mail id idea give it a modern turn. The story is engaging till the end.

There are a few grammatical errors but can be ignored. One is the use of ‘and’ to begin a sentence and the other is the arrangement of persons in nouns; it should be ‘my sister and me’ not the other way round.

TROFEO 2.0 When Santa Came Home [Category: Middle Entry No.: 8]

When December starts we only think about the Christmas everywhere at school, home and while playing also. We are all just wait for Santa clause at every Christmas. He gives us gifts which we like the most. On the twenty - forth night of December we didn't even sleep in the wait of Santa.                                                                                                                                      My friends also came at my house. We all were astonished at the moment when suddenly santa entered my house riding the rein-deer ride with numerous number of gifts. A smile went on all the faces. He remained at our house for two to three hours. He gave us gifts beyond our expectations. He cut our cake with all of us and we all sung carols nicely with Santa. We danced on many songs with Santa that day He gave a very beautiful bat and a basketball.

He played many games with us. Then he told us all that he has to deliver gifts to other children also.                                                                                                                   

But before going he gave us a wonderful ride of rein-deer's and then he went riding in the sky on his rein-deer's. We enjoyed very much on that day. I remember that day very nicely

JUDGE’S VIEWS:

Renee : It was fun to see Santa enjoying himself at someone’s house.  So often, we think of Santa as a jolly old soul with much work to do.  Perhaps you can make this the last stop on Santa’s Christmas Eve tour so he can enjoy himself without worrying about the other children he must visit.  And maybe he does this every year at a different house.  The conclusion of your story might be to wait and see if next year is your turn!  Overall, this is a fresh new look at the person who is Santa Claus. 

Sandhya : A charming story. Loved the bit about Santa giving a bat and basketball, and the ride in the sleigh – these specifics bring out the hidden wishes of the child, or a real experience.

Do practice writing, and read a lot. That will hone your observation and writing skills.

Neha : An average small write up, started promisingly but ended predictably.

Lots of adjectives and adverbs used to make the language pretty.

A bit of tenses mix up also. It should have been ‘that he had to deliver gifts to other children also’. Use of ‘but’ at the beginning of a sentence when not needed. Keep writing more.